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I found out my husband cheated on me years ago

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Road to Divorce: Day 1- The Day that I found my husband cheating on me

Ask Ammanda: My boyfriend cheated on me early in our relationship

Five years later so much has changed in my life. We sent our oldest child off to college this fall and our younger two boys are in high school.

We live busy lives and our children are becoming increasingly independent. In the same moment I am feeling love and pride, I am also feeling sad and alone. Love is not always brilliant. Sometimes love means letting go. Sometimes love means change. Relationships exist as waves. We need to learn how to ride them if we want them to grow, expand, and succeed. Sometimes we must simply ride the waves with the people we love, regardless of where they go.

Because ultimately, none of these waves last. There have been many days over the past five years where I felt lost and alone. Being the victim of an affair can make you obsessive compulsive — or at least that has been my experience.

I can find myself hyper-focused on an idea, a moment in history, or words that once meant nothing but now have meaning. I still have days where I crave to touch what is lost. I wish I could stop myself from feeling or thinking this way. I think I know how it was but I question my memories all the time.

Was I really as happy as I say I was? Or did I have plenty of lost and alone days then too? Sometimes I held my story so close it became airtight and began to suffocate. I have learned to take a step back and let the air in.

I must learn to live with my past before I can live in the present. Being vulnerable is tough. After my D-Day I built a wall around my heart. It felt like my heart retracted and a steel wall was erected around it.

I have found that I am more accepting of my own flaws, weaknesses, and to ask for what I need. I have found that when I am genuinely vulnerable that is when I feel most connected. I am gaining strength, love, and courage as I am learning to embrace and expose my vulnerabilities. Resiliency and acceptance is key to moving forward. Affairs break marriages. Regardless of whether the couple decides to work it out and stay together, the marriage is forever changed.

Five years ago, it felt as though my marriage had become a broken promised land. Letting go of what I believed defined my marriage was hard. Knowing that you can heal allows you to be open to the power of resiliency. It is okay to decide to stay or go. Love is not perfect. It is not always kind, but love can heal. You have helped me so much, for that I thank you. It is 16 months since I discovered my husbands affair, we are working at it, but still everyday, at some point it breaks me.

I stop and read your posts and realise there is hope, what I feel is not just me, many have stepped here before me with the same pain and self doubt but they have survived, and still work there way forward. Without reading your posts, I would not of come as far as I have. Thank you x. When I read comments from you and others it lets me know that I am not alone. I hope that you continue to get better every day.

I hope that those moments that break you become more distant and you find your way. I am exactly in the same position as you for exactly the same time. I still break down and fall apart.

Honestly I am scared of still feeling like this years from now. I hate the sadness that is over me. I decided to give my husband another chance and work on our marriage but my expectations are too high for him or so he says. I would make him fall in love with me all over again, love him, send him cute texts, make his favorite food, talk to him, rub his feet, and whatever else was necessary. He just ignores me. I cannot, I am very wounded and need to be healed before I can love him again.

Ladies, have your husbands been the same or different with the process of you forgiving and forgetting? If my husband could not comfort me or feel contrite over something HE did, then that would be a deal breaker for me.

A broken heart is very difficult. My husband was more than willing to do whatever I needed as per what our counselor told him to do and he has. Does it still hurt? Darn right it does! My husband was like yours. He did not understand the gravity of the betrayal. For me it became too. I can empathize with you as my husband initially behaved this way, I really feel for you.

Communication and therapy is a must, I hope this helps you. Hang in there xo. Thank you for your words. I need him, his love, his hugs, his assurance of working this out.

It saddens me to hear your story. But, I know you will not always feel this way—the completely broken feeling. I thought I would never feel un-dead again. Less than a hour later I had to call a suicide hotline.

I literally could not bare to be in my body another minute. I called while lying on the floor. I had never felt such unimaginable emotional and physical pain. Although you may never completely feel healed, you will realize some day soon that you have a strengthen, a kind of freedom, that will start to replace some of the sorrow.

You will know that your compassion for others is greater—your humaneness is now a spring. This will lift you. You will notice joy again—slowly but surely.

One day you will know that, yes, you can feel real joy. I feel grateful that I did not take my life about a year ago now. My husband has worked very hard to mend our relationship. He sent the love-note texts, wrote me little sweet cards and messages, baked and cleaned for me, remodeled my bathroom, padded my back while I cried in bed, held me while I sobbed, let me punch him over and over gain—yelling, sobbing, screaming.

He has held me while I have huddled in my closet I have full blown PTSD because of his infidelity, and horrible lying, that had gone on for years. I am very sad that your husband has not done these things. Even though my husband has.

I still struggle with trust. I still think he is seeing someone. I every day expect a call or some true evidence to appear. I think the nicey, nicey is a cover up. Not a day goes by that I think that he is probably being so nice to cover up for still being in the relationship. He still is away from home under suspicious circumstances.

I have our insurance. If I divorce him, he will not have coverage and would have a hard time paying for it. I could also get half the equity in our house and half of his pension.

I wonder everyday, if he is only trying to stay married so that he will not feel the sting of financial burden. Or, is it that he is protecting someone. I get the feeling when we are together that he is missing something or someone—his body shows this…… It can be hard for him to even be with me.

This is horrible for me….. He also thinks I should be completely healed by now and should not be bringing up my pain.

So, Your Husband Cheated On You. But What Did He Do Next?

This is the predicament one woman finds herself in after uncovering an affair her husband was involved in a decade ago. Taking to Mumsne t to share her story and ask for advice, she asked whether she should hold on to her marriage or end it. Throw it all away? She added that the affair lasted for around a year and involved a handful of encounters, mostly in his car at lunchtime. It's just hard when the thing you're looking to forgive is a one year fling.

After confronting her partner, the affair was denied. He was the type of man everyone loved being around, and was incredibly nice.

I found out yesterday that my boyfriend of nearly a year cheated on me when he went on a lads holiday 8 months ago. He spent the whole week kissing a girl and skinny dipping, but they didn't have sex because one night she didn't want to and the next he said no to her. But I can't help thinking that if she had said yes the first night then it would have happened. He also spent the next month he got back talking to her arranging to meet, although I don't think they ever did.

“I found out my husband had an affair 10 years ago, what should I do?”

Oxygen and the capability to trust simultaneously taking leave of my body. Check, check, and check. While my husband choked on his confession of having been unfaithful, my heart revved to a pace I instinctively understood it could not maintain. No joke. None of this is, or was. I stayed with my husband, he stayed with me, we are still we. Because of what he did after his affair. And because I chose love. His remorse was all-encompassing and led him to recommit to our marriage.

What would you do if you found out husband cheated 12 years ago?

My husband cheated on me within the first year of our marriage going as far as having a full relationship with someone. I discovered the truth when he introduced this person to me as a potential business partner. During this time I found correspondence of theirs, where they were sexting and reminiscing over the past. Over the years I suspected infidelity but never had proof.

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Whatever the spark, infidelity is destructive. By Sarah Barmak December 7, When she woke, she heard Marcus downstairs making a snack, so she went to their shared computer to check her email one last time before bed.

Being cheated on can leave you ’emotionally destroyed’ — here’s how to move on

Infidelity happens for plenty of reasons. None of them good ones. It happens because of ego or stupidity or breakage. It happens because of arrogance or a lack of self-control or because of that thing in all of us that wants to feel adored or heroic or important or powerful or as though we matter.

Limited availability. Carol's eyes burned into Tim like lasers. Tim, her unfaithful spouse, hung his head, avoiding her gaze. Carol and Tim came to see me after his four-month affair with a co-worker. Discovery had occurred when the two of them were rearranging their living room furniture. Tim handed his phone to Carol while he moved the couch.

Were They Thinking of Me?

We have been married for nearly 20 years. Sex has generally been good. My husband is older than me, a very sexual person, particularly friendly to both sexes and very flirtatious. This was not a problem for me, just an occasional irritation. This all came out when I pressed him for the truth.

I have just recently found out my husband of 11 years married together for 13 cheated on me around 18 month after we were married. He never  Nov 18, - 6 posts - ‎3 authors.

After the revelation of an affair or other sexually inappropriate behavior it unfortunately, is very easy for the unfaithful spouse to make a series of well-meaning mistakes which only complicates the situation. Listed below are some of the most common ones we see in our practice. We hope that this information will help guide your actions. Navigating your relationship in the wake of infidelity, regardless of whether or not your spouse is aware of the affair, is overwhelmingly complicated. But, you're not the first to be in this tumultuous situation.

20 Most Common Mistakes of the Unfaithful Spouse

Would you give a cheating partner a second chance? And if you did, could you ever trust them again? In a recent Reddit thread, people shared what happened when they gave their cheating partner another chance.

13 People Reveal What Happened When They Gave Their Cheating Partners Second Chances

Five years later so much has changed in my life. We sent our oldest child off to college this fall and our younger two boys are in high school. We live busy lives and our children are becoming increasingly independent. In the same moment I am feeling love and pride, I am also feeling sad and alone.

When two people get together, they date and spend time getting to know each other. For others, it is far more difficult as they thoughtfully consider differences in challenging areas such as religion, culture, social class, child-rearing, or where to live.

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5 Years Later

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Comments: 1
  1. Dijora

    Your phrase is magnificent

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