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How to motivate husband to find a job

Your husband is a good guy — sweet, supportive, kind — but he has no motivation to do anything. You feel bad even thinking that your husband is lazy…but the truth is that he has no ambition or motivation to do anything. Maybe he works hard at his paid job, but he spends all his energy there and brings nothing home for you. You are not alone if you feel like you have hardly any energy to do your own work, much less figure out how to motivate a lazy husband! No motivation, no drive, not like the man I used to know when we first fell in love.

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My husband is a wonderful man in so many areas and we have a generally happy and loving relationship. He told me a year and a half ago that he wants to get a new job. He continually talks about how he wants to leave and get a better job, but does nothing about it!

In the past year and a half, he has applied for a total of two jobs that I know of. This is how he found the two jobs he DID apply for… I sent them to him! He tells me he wants kids very badly and I believe him. What do I do? You have engaged more in his job search than he has. Both depression and ADHD contribute to low self-esteem in part because people with these disorders self-sabotage so much. Here, your husband wants a new job but probably fears the increased responsibility that a better paying job would entail.

And, honestly, he is correct to fear this outcome if you are describing him and your situation accurately. He may not be suited for a job where there is more on his plate, but since you love him, you may be carefully overlooking that and hoping for the best.

I have written a lot about how to deal with depressed , ADHD , and low self-esteem husbands. So read all that, because many women are in the same situation as you. Wives of these men often fall into a enabler, caretaker, or cheerleader role, like this woman.

But at a certain point, it is more beneficial and healthier to accept your husband for how he is versus what you think he could be. If you want to have kids with your husband, you need to accept that he may always have the job he has now. You will be the primary breadwinner , most likely, and that will not change. On the positive side, you will not have to worry about health insurance.

Alternately, you could forgo the insurance and see if he would want to be a stay at home dad although that would only work if the ADHD and depression were managed; I suggest it because of how badly he wants kids. There are many positives to not marrying an alpha male. I am assuming you make the majority of the decisions and your husband goes along with whatever you want.

Some people like being the head honcho in this way, and it saves power struggle types of arguments from eroding your marriage. Best of luck and keep me posted. This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional. If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. This is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person. Your email address will not be published.

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How to Nicely Tell My Husband to Get a Job

By Dustin Communication. Your husband used to be a go-getter, always on top of things. Now, he barely wants to get out of bed. He has a problem; unfortunately, it quickly becomes your problem as well. There might be a reason why your husband lost his spark, like losing his job or getting bad health news.

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My husband has been out of work for nearly fourteen months, and in that time has only filled out one employment application. He has made no effort to create a resume, and seems okay with me being the breadwinner—I work full-time as a RN—while he sits at home on the couch or on his computer. Whenever I broach the subject, he gets defensive, even angry, and accuses me of nagging him. How do I motivate him to act rather than react?

How can I help my husband to be more driven and motivated?

My husband is a wonderful man in so many areas and we have a generally happy and loving relationship. He told me a year and a half ago that he wants to get a new job. He continually talks about how he wants to leave and get a better job, but does nothing about it! In the past year and a half, he has applied for a total of two jobs that I know of. This is how he found the two jobs he DID apply for… I sent them to him! He tells me he wants kids very badly and I believe him. What do I do?

When a Man’s Unemployed, His Wife Bears the Emotional Costs

We recently spoke with Rao about both, and why the phenomenon seems to only apply to unemployed men …. He was still in a wounded, vulnerable stage looking for work and not finding it. So she was reminding him of the good stuff. How did the other wives in your study exhibit emotion work? I found that these wives were doing several things, one of which was trying to make their husbands feel confident.

Recently, my colleagues had a discussion about a trend in couples that we have observed where one partner refuses to get a job to support the household or have a stable employment.

When I was a newlywed, I had a front-row seat to the tough career decisions couples I knew were making. One friend had a tough decision to make. Each desperately wanted to settle near their own family and long-time friends, but the two cities were miles apart.

Husband Wants a Better Job But Does Nothing About It

The recession has forced many families to regroup economically and both partners cutting back on expenses or living off savings. If your husband is unemployed and you need to communicate with him about getting a job, approach him as a partner and invite him to tackle the issue together. As unemployment drags on, he may have become depressed, because the change feels permanent rather than temporary, says psychologist Maggie Baker in "Marriage Maintenance When Money is Tight". Commit to doing some cheerleading by finding ways to validate his help at home or his effort in the job search instead of pointing out flaws.

Supporting a husband during unemployment can be stressful. There are probably a lot of questions going through your head: How will you support your family financially? How can you help him find a new job? How should you adjust your budget? If you have children at home, how are they going to take the news? How can you alleviate your fears, find answers to your questions, and offer the support your husband needs?

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life: Encourage Him at Work

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Aug 3, - How do I motivate him to act rather than react? Learn How to Talk: To reach agreement about your husband's job, the process of finding a.

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Comments: 2
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