Guys always want to protect me
Chelli Pumphrey. Truth be told, we are definitely two different species in many ways. But the good news is, when men and women learn to understand their differences, they can become beautiful compliments to each other and can thrive in relationship. If you want to see a man flourish and grow in a relationship, here are some crucial tips to keep in mind to help you understand the male mind. It means that he is responding to his most basic biological instincts , and that he sees you as something valuable and worth protecting. So, my sisters, I challenge you.
But there's a difference between a caring boyfriend, and a guy who's actually jealous and controlling. There are some telltale markers of trouble, and if you spot enough of them, bail on that relationship — it isn't going anywhere good.
He fondly calls you "crazy" or "too much," like he's so chill and you aren't. And that's bad, because it puts him a few rungs above you on the humanity ladder. Very uncool. When he smiles and says things like, "You're perfect," like you're his personal Barbie doll.
What's wrong with this, right? It should be a compliment. This sucker is putting you on a pedestal — he thinks you're superhuman, and even if you are a total badass, everyone has their low moments. When he only wants to hang out if it's intimate sexy time just one-on-one, like your relationship is just a string of cute dates. This is how humans operate. We like to combine good things. Why else do you think pizza bagels exist? At first it seems nice — he wants to make sure you're having a good time!
But if a guy can't learn to relax and let you have well-deserved time out with friends you've had longer than you've known him, he's not being sweet. He's being selfish and controlling. He says things like, "Oh, I know exactly how you feel," when you come to him with a super-real problem. This isn't empathy, it's like reading off a "how to make someone feel OK" script, and it's bullshit.
Long-term, you want to be with someone who doesn't just take your problems away from you, you want to be with someone who helps you work through them and grow. There's nothing more frustrating than feeling like your problems are insignificant because he can one-up all your problems.
If he makes a habit of comparing you to other women, even if it's to say that you're better or prettier than them. Women are individuals, not items to be ranked. If this is happening, he thinks that women do everything with their bodies to suit other men, and that's just garbage. He might not act outright jealous, but he should literally never ever question anything you're wearing. That's a right reserved for the safety of group texts and judgmental moms only.
He makes comments about wanting to protect you from other guys. Basically he should never act on your behalf unless you ask him too.
And he's not a fan of you spending time with your guy friends. But, like, he can have as many female friends as he wants and it's chill. This is so real I can't even focus right now. Petty jealousy only feels flirty until it stands in the way of your life outside of the relationship, and if you find that your friendship with guy friends are suffering because it just makes him "a little uncomfortable" when you hang out one-on-one with your bros, that's no good. He should know you and respect you well enough to let this go.
Adults can have friends of the opposite sex, it's fine. He gets jealous when other guys hit on you, as if that's your fucking problem and you can create an invisibility cloak around yourself. LOL, this is such shit. Like, you don't personally enjoy it. And second of all, how dare he get jealous at something that's actually just a side effect of a sexist culture.
Instead of getting mad at you for getting harassed, he should maybe consider asking how it makes you feel. I'm sorry, he's your boyfriend, not your life coach. A boyfriend should be supportive and offer help if you need it, but his unsolicited advice on every little aspect of your life is not support, it's manipulation.
If his suggestions feel even remotely shame-y, run for the hills. When you say you want to spend a night or two alone, he whines or gets mad. Awww, how sweet — little pup wants to hang out with you all the time! If he can't handle a night or several apart, he's got some major insecurities going on and they're definitely going to suck the life out of you.
You have to be able to take time apart from one another — sure, you can miss each other, but it's healthy to maintain some sort of space in order to maintain your identity and sanity. If you say you don't want to have sex that night, he says "Awww, but you look so sexy tonight. Anything other than a simple "Yep, sounds cool, totally no problem" is actually pressure, and that's a huge problem.
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13 "Sweet" Things That Are Actually Huge Red Flags
But there's a difference between a caring boyfriend, and a guy who's actually jealous and controlling. There are some telltale markers of trouble, and if you spot enough of them, bail on that relationship — it isn't going anywhere good. He fondly calls you "crazy" or "too much," like he's so chill and you aren't. And that's bad, because it puts him a few rungs above you on the humanity ladder.
Women are often reprimanded for being complicated creatures, but the truth is that men can be just as guilty of sending mixed signals to the opposite sex. A lot of the reasons for why revert back to society's traditional line of thought around masculinity — and what's deemed "cool" or not — but let's be honest: That's no excuse. So if you've ever wondered what we, as men, really think and want, here's a sneak peek at what we wish you knew. Some guys may try to play it off like they don't need praise — they just threw on that T-shirt without thinking — but anyone who tries to tell you they don't want a compliment tossed their way is full of crap. Yes, we thought about what you'll think of how those jeans show off our assets.
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I have a big mouth and a quick temper. In the past, I experienced abusive relationships and my quick wit failed me in those times. No amount of clever jabs could protect me from my abuser and it was a terrifying realization. In those moments, it would have been nice to have a real partner on my side. I only date men that are self-proclaimed feminists. Men that view women as the weaker sex are small-minded. Women are just as intuitive, innovative, and savvy as men and there are certainly plenty of women that could lay a man flat in a matter of seconds. Everybody has limitations, and mine happen to be physical.
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