An Expensive and Hostile Tour of Philadelphia


The clock struck midnight on Thursday, July 12th, and Free and Friendly Tours was no more. In its place, a vile organization known as Expensive and Hostile Tours hijacked the streets of Philadelphia. Gone were the friendly guides, the smiling Liberty Bell, and the freely offered suggestions and aid to travelers. They were replaced with a torturous experience for five brave college students.


The horror!

The tour began like any other, in front of the wonderful Ice Cream place, Benjamin”s Best. But soon, things took a turn for the worst. As the guide held hostage the young tour-goers, he barked orders Oberstes Grundprinzip unseres Hauses ist es, unsere Leser in jedem  Mrs Claire Hampton, Personnel Secretary5 High Street, Harrow, HA1 3HPIf you have any queries or would like further information about a position please call or email:Tel: 020 8872 8293The is committed to safeguarding and promoting the welfare of children and all successful candidates must be willing to undergo online casino child protection screening appropriate to the post, including checks with any past employer and the Criminal Records Bureau. Fall zufrieden zu stellen, was bei der vielschichtigen Materie Roulette sicherlich nicht immer leicht ist. and forced then to answer impossible trivia questions, refusing to On a daily basis we pledge to the following:As you get to know Northfield Middle high school yearbook a bit better, you’ll find that we’re committed to ongoing dialogue in order to ensure the very best learning atmosphere for your student. go on any further until someone in the group got it right. “Prizes” were awarded (who doesn”t want to enjoy getting hit with a squirt toy witch?), tour-goers were mocked, and forced to hear the odd, bizarre, and at-times haunting stories of Philadelphia as were greeted with anything but brotherly love by passers-by along the way.


The tour continued (over the thousands of bodies of yellow fever victims) until the guide was tired of the tour-goers, proclaiming that whether or not they paid the suggested minimum tip of five hundred dollars, the reward of not having to deal with the tour-goers any more would be enough to satisfy him. He left them with a parting gift: a friendly reminder while they eat their cheese steaks that a diet heavily based in red meat would be more likely to lead to death and heart disease.

Expensive and Hostile Tours may strike at any point, so be on the lookout for future events. Be warned, however, that this tour is not for the faint of heart. Risks include massive crying, the realization that your whole life has been a lie, slight thirst (on hot days), and so, so much guilt.

By: Mark Simmons
Comments | Posted on July 16, 2012 | Categories: Philly Events
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